Sick of it All

Posted on June 21, 2010 by skinnysmoke

I am so sick of my workout music! I’ve been going for hour-long walks these last few weeks and I swear that half of those walks are spent skipping through songs on my phone/mp3 player. I’m lucky enough to have a subscription to Rhapsody and so I’m able to download unlimited amounts of music, but the problem is that when I sit down to actually do it, I can’t think of anything I want to hear! I tend to listen to Alt Nation on Sirius if I’m in the car, so I’ve definitely been exposed to some great new music from there, but I need more! I do have to admit I’m a pretty big Lady Gaga fan, and her songs are great to walk/jog to. Right now may favorites that I’ve been walking to are Gaga, The Bravery, Black Label Society, Silversun Pickups, Miley Cyrus (I know, its embarrassing) and that’s about it, and even those are getting old this point. I seriously don’t think I can listen to Social Distortion or Static-X again for a long, long time, and I lOvE those bands! I have a vast amount of Pearl Jam, and as much as I love Pearl Jam they just don’t do it for me in the workout department. Slipknot, Pantera, Temper Trap, Spiderbait, Jay-Z, Shiny Toy Guns, Rob Zombie….BORED. Red Hot Chili Peppers…I’d love to, but they want you to pay extra for their music.  Metallica, of course those greedy jackholes want extra for their songs too. I could put music from my CDs onto my mp3 player, but that would A. require me to find my CDs, and B. take way too much time and I’m a busy girl! So, if by any chance anyone reading this has any great songs they like to work out to, by all means please share them with me! I’m desperate! I’m even willing to listen to, well anything at this point. I LOVE music and I’m a rocker girl at heart, but during workouts anything goes!

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Why I Dread the Weekend

Posted on June 6, 2010 by skinnysmoke

Yes, I dread weekends. Actually I really love weekends, but at the same time I hate them. Don’t get me wrong, I love having time off work and spending time with all my boys, having time to garden and get chores done around the house, and of course garage sales, but I hate that my work-week schedule is out the window and I seem to lose all control around meal planning. I don’t know why it is, but I just can’t schedule meals and snacks on the weekends the way I can during the week. As I’m typing this it seems completely ridiculous, but for some reason my ability to make healthy choices and preplan meals and snacks on Saturdays and Sundays is just not there. I may do okay Saturday for breakfast, but by lunch all hell has broken loose. Well, maybe not that bad, but it’s usually chaotic and actually somewhat stressful. Meals shouldn’t be stressful. I cannot for the life of me figure out why it’s difficult to plan breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack on the weekends, but yet I’m perfectly capable of managing such a simple task during the week. I had a fabulous Tuesday through Friday last week, but as soon as Saturday rolled around I was eating a double cheeseburger from Culver’s (and it was sooooooo good!!!!). I’m still hoping that even though I made crappy choices that I still lost or maintained and didn’t gain. I didn’t overeat, just bad choices. I’m actually glad it’s Monday tomorrow so I can get back to my routine. My goal is to sit down tomorrow night and plan the rest of the week’s meals, and this time include the weekend. I did a great job of that last week, but a party for my mother-in-law threw me off a little bit. 

Last time I wrote about my goals for the week. Walk 5-7 times: FAIL!  I maybe walked 3 times. Get to bed before 11 pm every night: FAIL! Yeah right, like I could really accomplish this. I almost made it twice. Drink more water: SUCCESS! I have only had 1 pop all week, otherwise I’ve been drinking water and Diet Peach Snapple. Now that stuff is addicting! I think my goals will be the same for this week only I might switch it up to walking 4-5 times this week plus go to the gym twice. Bed before 11:00 will start tomorrow night since obviously tonight I’m not going to make it! Water, water, and more water will be my beverage of choice this week as well. 

Here’s to a great new week and feeling (and looking) fabulous!!!! 

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2 months!

Posted on May 27, 2010 by skinnysmoke

Tomorrow marks my first 2 months of being a nonsmoker! I feel great!!!! Except for the fact I think I’m getting sick…again!!!! I don’t know what the hell is going on with my immune system, it’s like I just can’t get well and stay well for any length of time. I’m at a complete loss of what to do, maybe it’s the nail biting. Anyway, the nicotine cravings are mostly gone, but every once in awhile I will get this strange feeling of sadness about not smoking. It must be part of the grieving process or something, and it really is like a part of me is dead and I’m grieving that loss, but it’s a GOOD thing. That negative part of me that needed the smoking crutch to get through anything stressful is slowly being buried deeper and deeper. Hopefully the weird sad feelings go away just as the nic fits did, but I’m guessing I will always have those feelings, but at this point in my life I’d rather be healthy. If not for myself, then for my boys.

Weigh-in went okay on Tuesday. I was relieved because I didn’t gain, but actually lost! Not a lot, about 3 pounds over 2 weeks. I’ll take it!

We do have some new stress in my extended family right now though, so I’m a little bit worried about using food for comfort. I’m trying my best, but I’ve had McD’s 2 days in a row and had a can and a 20 oz Coke in the last 2 days. Not good, this is always how a weight gain bender starts. First its Cokes, then fast food, then cookies. Not a binge really because I don’t really overeat, I just make really bad food choices, like fast food rather than making myself something at home, then a cookie or 3 for dessert, then I feel guilty about eating that, so I figure screw it. It’s a pathetic cycle of using food for comfort and it needs to STOP! Logically I know that and I tell myself so, but if I’m sad or stressed food makes me feel a little better, even though it doesn’t. Ugh.

I’ve failed on at least 1 of my goals already. I couldn’t make it to bed before 11:00 the last 2 nights. Okay, I could have, I just didn’t, and I’m paying for it. I’m so tired that I can’t even think straight and tonight is going to be an 11:00-11:30 night as well. Hopefully I can catch up on some sleep on Saturday morning. I hate sleeping in past 8:00 though, I feel like I’ve wasted the morning. Mornings in my opinion are the BEST time of day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the air smells clean and fresh, the perfect time of day for a walk or just some quiet time by myself. I’ve been begging my husband to please build me a deck so I can go sit outside on my deck and have a cup of coffee in the mornings and just have peace. He’s promised me he will do it soon, and I’m so excited! My goals of drinking more water and walking are still on track, so I’m going to work hard to keep up with those.

Hopefully the rest of the week goes well and we are lucky enough to have fabulous weather for this upcoming weekend, and I can get some stuff DONE, and things work out positively for my family. 

Until next time…

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Time Flies!

Posted on May 24, 2010 by skinnysmoke

Wow! I’ve just realized that I’m almost at my 2-month "anniversary" since I quit smoking! Time really did fly by, it doesn’t hurt that I’ve been ridiculously and crazy busy this whole time. I’m also loving this gorgeous summer-like weather we’ve been enjoying in Fargo the last few weeks. That alone has given me motivation to get out and be active, whether it be at the gym with my trainer, long walks, or getting sweaty and dirty with gardening and/or landscaping. I really enjoy working in the flower beds, except for the horrendous clay soil around here. I practically dislocate my shoulder trying to dig a hole! I wish I had a green thumb, mine is pretty brown. Gardening just doesn’t come naturally to me, but I love doing it and I try my hardest. The flower bed on the west side of my house actually looks pretty dang good if I do say so myself, and my rhubarb plants are growing like crazy! It also keeps me busy so I don’t think about smoking and/or eating. Except ever since the weather improved, my appetite also improved, and I mean like I’m crazy hungry all the time. It has gotten a little better, but let’s just say I’m dreading group tomorrow. Well, not really dreading group, but dreading that official weigh-in. I’m really pretty nervous about it. I had lost 3 pounds a few weeks ago, gained 3.4 the next week, then had to miss weigh-in last week and since I haven’t been weighing myself at home I’m completely in the dark, but I’m not feeling hopeful at all. I’m so frustrated with myself! Why can’t I get back on track like I was in the beginning!? I think I probably need to get back to food logging. Good God I hate food logging. It is time consuming and a huge pain in the ass for me, but I’m thinking if I gain at weigh-in tomorrow, then I NEED to go back to tracking. I really don’t want to though…We’ll see.

I’m also going to start coming up with weekly goals. I’m supposed to be doing this for my group anyway, but I haven’t been doing it. My goal(s) for this week will be to:

1. Drink more water.

2. Get out and walk for an hour 5-7 days.

3. Go to bed before 11 pm every night. Never underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep on weight. As the busy mother of 2 young kids, along with having a full-time job, keeping my marriage healthy, and the regular household chores, plus "me" time, getting to bed at decent hour is sometimes hard. I’m often very tired, and I know I need more rest, but I also need to get things done. There just isn’t enough time in a day…

I think these 3 goals should be doable. We’re supposed to give ourselves a nonfood reward if we achieve our weekly goals. Hmmmm…..I need to think about that I guess. A new lip gloss might be nice, or a "splurge" shampoo, maybe a new necklace? Small nonfood rewards are kind of hard to come up with. In the past I’ve always rewarded myself with food (obviously?!). I’m going to put some thought into this and come up with a great, nonfood (cheap!) reward for reaching my goals this week.

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I Give Up.

Posted on May 12, 2010 by skinnysmoke

I’m so frustrated! I’m stuck in a weight loss rut and I can’t get out. I want to be motivated, but I’m just not and I can’t figure out the reason. I have been exceptionally busy the last few weeks and that’s kind of been my excuse, but now that my schedule has opened up a tiny bit I’m still not getting into the gym to exercise. I really enjoy walking outside, but unfortunately the North Dakota weather has been noncompliant and I’ve been to lazy to go to the gym. Eating healthy too has become difficult. I think the problem with the food is boredom. Our family eats the same things week after week and I’m so sick of it all I could puke. I did take an hour last night and perused a great website for recipes and found TONS that I would love to try out. Gina’s Weight Watchers recipes at skinnytaste.com. I’ve been on the site before, but I really went through recipes last night and wrote several down to try. There’s a salad with organges, onions, and gorgonzola that I’m dying to try out and also a garlic shrimp recipe, and the pork carnitas…I could go on and on. She takes amazing pictures of her food which is a bonus since I like to see what something is supposed to look like before I make it. I can’t wait to try some out tomorrow night since Wednesdays are my husband’s night to cook.

As far as the exercise, I just don’t know how to get motivated again. I’m really hoping that once the weather improves and I’m able to get outside and walk and garden that my outlook will improve. It has to, because if that isn’t the problem, then I don’t know what else to do. My trainer says to just do it, just come to the gym and work out even if you don’t want to…Yeah, well that’s easy for her to say, but I know that she’s right. I’m just being lazy. I think I’ve gotten too comfortable with the weight I’m at, this is the size I always get stuck at. I need to break free of that comfort and push myself, but I’m definitely lacking the oomph.

 

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There’s No Place Like Home

Posted on May 11, 2010 by skinnysmoke

Two words….Big Boy. I was born and raised in Bismarck and this last weekend my family and I traveled back home to visit my parents and sister who live there. If you’re from Bismarck the 1 place you just have to eat when you go back is Big Boy. I, of course, am no exception and that was our first stop when we pulled into town on Saturday. If you’ve never eaten there it sounds nuts, but to those that are from Bismarck, you know what I’m talking about! Fries and gravy, pizza burgers flying style, hot n’ tots…I’m salivating just thinking about those fries and gravy. This place is a legend in Bismarck. It even has a Facebook fan club group that as of today has 2647 members, of which I am one and almost everyone I know from Bismarck-Mandan is as well. There are people who haven’t lived in Bismarck for decades, but will stop at Big Boy when they visit, or at least talk about how much they love it and the memories they have of dragging Main and going to Big Boy.

I don’t even feel guilty for pigging out on fries and gravy and my cheeseburger flying style (with no pickles). I do, however, feel guilty for smoking on Saturday night. We went out to the bar with my sister, and in Bismarck they don’t have a smoking ban in place like they do here in Fargo. It was so smoky in that place I could hardly breathe, so after a few Miller Lites I just gave in. I figured I was smoking about half a pack just sitting there NOT smoking, so I might as well light up too. I’m disappointed in myself, but that’s life I guess. I haven’t had one since that night and haven’t craved one either, but I know that I can’t get into the "I’ll just smoke when I drink" game because that has backfired on me in the past. Pretty soon you’re drinking every other night just so you can smoke. Bad idea! I know, I know…in my previous post I had said I wasn’t going to drink anymore. I only had 3 drinks, not even a buzz, so I wasn’t out of control and just drank casually and had a good time. Moderation is the key, which I sometimes forget.

Group weigh-in today, then a session with my trainer. I’m looking forward to it, except she’s got me doing some wicked new exercises, but I’m glad she changes it up every month. Wish me luck!

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Do Over.

Posted on May 3, 2010 by skinnysmoke

I think I’m going to turn over a new leaf today and start anew. After this weekend I need to figure out exactly the kind of person I want to be. I don’t want to be the person I am when I drink, and I’m really starting to wonder if it’s become a problem for me. No, I know it’s become a problem for me. My goal was to only drink a little bit for my husband’s and friend’s birthday party. That didn’t quite work out the way I had planned as I had way more than I intended. Once I have 1 drink it’s like I can’t control myself anymore and can’t stop. I don’t drink very often, maybe once every 2 months, but when I do drink, I drink myself into oblivion. It’s embarrassing and I think it’s time to stop, for good. I hate myself when I drink and after when I feel like crap and can’t do anything productive because I’m hung over all the next day. It really makes me want to cry and I think I just might. This is not what I want for myself. I want to be a happy, positive person who people enjoy spending time with and not "that girl" who drinks too much at every get-together. I never used to be like that and I’m not sure what happened. I used to know my limits and now I’ve lost that somewhere. I want to be a good wife and a good mom, a good friend, and just an overall good person. I don’t think alcohol has any place in my life anymore. I’ll just be the designated driver from now on and I think my life will be all the better because of it. A healthy lifestyle and a sober lifestyle. I LOVE the sound of that.

As I posted last week I predicted my husband would smoke this weekend and guess what….He did! I succumbed to the pressure and I did have a few drags of a couple cigarettes on Saturday night too. It was DISGUSTING! It made me cough and the taste was horrendous. I’m so glad I quit that nasty habit, and I now know that I can say I will never smoke again and mean it with every fiber of my being.

The weight loss…I didn’t even do too bad with food. I had 1 cupcake, lots of fruit, and a little bit of each item we had at the baby shower. I was so proud of myself, but then I had about 13,000 calories in booze later in the evening, and a piece of pizza. I don’t even want to think about it anymore.

I still got the baby fever, seeing Mrs. B’s tummy made it even worse and watching her unwrap all those sweet little baby girl things…oh my. My husband is the only voice of reason in hurricane of baby insanity.

Today is a new day and today is going to be a GREAT day! I also want to say Happy Birthday to my husband who turned 32 on May 1st. Thanks for being an awesome guy and I’m so lucky to have you! You are loved more than you know!

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Who Would’ve Thunk It?

Posted on April 26, 2010 by skinnysmoke

I’ve almost reached the 1-month mark of my nonsmoking journey. I’m really surprised at how uneventful it has been. I occasionally hear stories of those people who decided one day to give up smoking and never look back; I actually have a friend who did it. He got up one morning and said he was done, and it’s been, wow, 7 years already, probably closer to 8. Although, I find "reformed" smokers to be the most ridiculous when it comes to current smokers. They typically scream the loudest about how unfair it is the smokers are smoking. I think they’re just jealous. I would be… If you want to smoke, fine, but please don’t be offended when I walk away. It’s not that I don’t like you, I just don’t want to attack you and possibly hurt you just because I want your cigarette. The thing is, I really don’t even want one. While it does sound really, really fantastic, I know that it will not live up to my expectations and I will only be disappointed in myself. I’m just amazed at how easy quitting for the 304th time has been and I’m hopeful it will keep getting easier with time.

On to the weight loss which I’ve been sucking at. Why is it that I do great all week, only to mess it all up on the weekends? Okay, I haven’t been doing that bad, but I’ll find out just how bad or good I’ve been doing on Tuesday…

I’m hosting a baby shower at my house this weekend and I’m actually really looking forward to it. I just love a new baby and celebrating the future arrival of a little bundle of cuteness is just as fun! It’s also my husband’s 32nd birthday and another friend’s 30th birthday. That means….bonfire and beer! It also means really delicious calorie-laden goodies and lowered inhibitions which could cause a smoking relapse and/or a binge fest. Bah! My plan is to not drink too much and luckily there is only 1 smoker left in our little group, so hopefully that won’t be an issue. I’m sure I’ll have to listen to my husband whine about it all night, but I will just nag him to the brink of insanity if he even thinks of leaving to buy a pack. He will be warned ahead of time. It’s the food I’m worried about. Cupcakes, smokies, cream cheese mints, chips and dip, plus who knows what else.

This also brings up another subject. Babies. Everyone I know is having babies!!!! AAAAHHH! Don’t they understand that seeing them in their expectant state and/or seeing ultrasound pictures brings out my maternal instincts and makes me want to reproduce!? I found out yesterday that yet another friend is having a new little one, and since then I’ve been convinced that I too simply need to have another baby. I just love their squishiness when they’re brand spankin’ new, or how undeniably adorable it is when they get those 2 top front teeth that are too big for their little faces, tiny toes, baby belly laughs, those itty bitty diapers, onesies… I’ve got the fever and I’ve got it bad.

One last little thing…I changed the name of my blog. Skinny and Smoke Free sounded snobby to me for some reason. Losing and quitting was fitting, so I went with that. Right? Right.

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Slowly, but surely.

Posted on April 21, 2010 by skinnysmoke

Day 24 of no smoking. I actually had a couple of minor nic fits today; once while watching "The Lovely Bones," before I had to go to work and one while driving and thinking about going to Cabo again next spring and envisioning myself on the beach…smoking of all things. I handled them well enough, just pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind and concentrated on something else.

The weigh-in yesterday went well, better than I had expected, but not as good as I had hoped; down 1.3 pounds. Hey, I’ll take it! It’s better than gaining 1.3 pounds, so I’m happy. I decided that I need a goal to work towards and maybe that will motivate me. Last night I came up with that when I lose a total of 20 pounds (10 to go) then I will get myself another tattoo. I love tattoos, so for me that’s a perfect and fun reward for reaching that particular goal. I have just the one in mind that I want too. Hmmm, maybe for every 20 pounds lost I’ll get a new tattoo, but I do also love shoes and purses…

I went to the gym about 30 minutes before my session with my trainer, rowed for 10 minutes, biked for 10 minutes, and did the rolling hills program on the treadmill for 10 minutes. My trainer session consisted of a mile-long brisk walk and a jog for a block. Let me tell you one thing I figured out…running outside is a lot different than running on the treadmill. OUCH! My shins are killing me today, I probably should ice them, but I just don’t have the time; I’m kind of a busy girl. I’m not sure running is in my future, I LOVE walking and really like running on the treadmill, but running outside is just…painful. I’m gonna try and stick with it for a bit, but I’m not gonna push myself. Maybe I’m just not a runner, and that’s okay. I’m probably a little out of shape at this point too since I’ve been so sick and haven’t been working out. I’ll give it a try again in a few days when my poor shins have recovered. Maybe.  

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Back in My Groove.

Posted on April 20, 2010 by skinnysmoke

Day 23 of no smoking!!!! Hooray for me!!! My husband is on day #2 today. Technically it’s day #1 since he did have 1 cigarette yesterday, but I’ll let this one slide. I know he can do it, he’s done it before, but he uses every excuse in the book. He’s cleaning out the garage so he has to smoke. He’s exposed to it all day since lots of people he works with smoke. He’s bored. He’s busy. He’s had a stressful day. I’ve heard ‘em all. I usually just roll my eyes and tell him he’s always going to have an excuse for why he wants to smoke. Trust me, I come up with them every day, but I just talk myself out of it. I know it’s going to taste like an ashtray smells at this point and why would I want to mess up 23 days of not smoking?!

My 6yo son and I went for a walk last night. He’s signed up for some walk/run club with his kindergarten, so it’s a great excuse for both of us to get some exercise. By my best guess estimate, we did about 3 miles. We walked pretty fast, and walked for an hour. We did have to stop once at a friend’s house to use their bathroom. Apparently 6yo bladders are very tiny and shouldn’t bring their water bottles on a walk. At one point he even asked me to carry him. Uh, no. He was pooped out by the time we got home. It was fantastic! He’s so skinny though that I’m afraid if he gets too much exercise he’s gonna disappear! The child doesn’t have an ounce of fat on his skeletal little body. He eats constantly, and apparently has the metabolism that I can only dream of.

Weekly weigh-in is today…After last week it can only get better, right? I gained back about 5 pounds since quitting smoking. It was to be expected I suppose, but in the long run it’s easier to lose the weight than quit smoking again. I’m FINALLY starting to get my exercise and healthy eating groove back again, FINALLY!!!!!! Gonna hit the gym tonight with my trainer and maybe squeeze in a quick 30-minute walk before and after my session. I think it’s this gorgeous April weather we’ve been having that makes me want to get up and go, go, go!!!

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