Perfect Timing?

We’re back from Mexico, which was absolutely amazing by the way…and I had committed myself before we left to quitting smoking upon returning. Well, today’s the first day of that and I just happen to be sick. I started feeling ill yesterday afternoon and when I woke up this morning I had an all out chest/head cold. Not fun, but it seems to be perfect timing. Just the thought of a cigarette is exhausting and disgusting. My last smoke was Sunday at approximately 6:30 pm, so it’s been less than 24 hours. I haven’t had too many cravings, mainly just after lunch, but so far so good. My chest is pretty congested, so smoking would be a bad idea anyway I think. Hopefully that husband of mine has stayed strong today as well. I’m sure he has, he’s much more motivated than I am this time around. I just need to make it 3 days. Three days and then it’s the psychological battle versus the physical. It’s hard to imagine myself as a nonsmoker. For the last 15 years I’ve been a smoker…I guess I’ve taken about 2-3 years off and quit while I was pregnant and for a time after each of my boys was born. How is it that I can quit with no problem for my babies, but can’t do it for myself? Honestly though, if cigarettes were $2.00 a pack like they were when I first started smoking I probably wouldn’t even be attempting this, but at $4.25 a pack, this relationship has to end. Now.

My 6-year-old son today asked me what addiction was (he saw a commercial for a TV show). I told him it was when a person was addicted to something like smoking or alcohol. He proceeded to tell me how bad smoking is for your lungs and your heart and your brain and how it makes you stupid. I thought he knew my husband and I smoked, but apparently he doesn’t. I don’t know how he can’t know, even though we never smoke around him or his brother.

Well, smoking, I will miss you. You were my friend and crutch for 15 years. I love you, but our relationship has to be over. You’re bad for me, and I want to see my children and future grandchildren grow up and be healthy and happy, without an oxygen tank. I want to smell my hair and have it smell like my passion flower shampoo and not perfume and smoke. I don’t want to be embarrassed by you anymore. You will be missed greatly for a time, but I’m sure I will get over you, I hope anyway.